I passed Viva Voce for my Master | Postgraduate Study

Hello everyone. I am back. I apologize for being absent from time to time and it has been a while since my last post. Worry not, I won't abandon my blog. Will try my best not to, for you guys who have been supporting me since day one. As you can see from the title, I am almost done with my postgraduate study. Finally, after almost 3 years I can take a deep breath and pet myself for making it this far. Some people actually requested, for me to write and share about my journey. Here it goes. 

I am not stress-free yet, but some burden has been lifted up that I feel much better now. Since it has been a while, I hope you don't mind me writing my story and thoughts here. Just sharing a tiny bit of what I've been through these few years. It's not much but it's impactful to me myself. My lifestyle changes 360°.

VIVA-VOCE

If you're wondering what a Viva Voce is, it is basically like an examination but done orally. In another word, it's a presentation where the panels will test you to know whether you know what you're doing or not. Plus, they'll help you to improve your work and recommend what is necessary. Well, hope you get a rough idea of it. 

After months and years of working on it, I finally passed Viva Voce for my Master's. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Please pray for Ray. May I passed and be able to graduate soon. 

My supervisor was very patient and supportive. That's one of the biggest blessings for a postgraduate student like me since day one. My panels were super kind and helpful, that they made it possible for me to go through the process. 

For someone like me who is struggling with my mental health, it took a great deal out of me to actually face the situation. You don't know how much it means for me to be able to do it. I was not confident but my family and friends were always there. Their never-ending supports help keep me going. 

Too many mistakes

It's okay to make mistakes. That's what I told myself because I am learning and we will never stop learning, until the end of time. I remember sending my draft to my supervisor countless times through email and Whatsapp. It went on and on until I was ready to submit. I was mad at myself for doing so many mistakes but at the same time, I am grateful that I made those mistakes. I began to see the light and understand it deeper. 

Even before Covid-19 starts to evade our precious space and time, I try my best to not lose contact with my supervisor. I'd bring my works and draft to discuss with him. I did warn him tho, that I'll be disturbing him from time to time. He was okay. Alhamdulillah. Oh well, that's what my previous lecturers and seniors told me, to no disappear. Even at my worst, my supervisor gave me assurance that I can do it. That alone was enough for me, to continue.

My study got dragged

It was supposed to be only 1 year and a half but my postgrad study had to be dragged until 3 years. I had to apply for a special leave due to the MCO. I think I applied it twice. That's why it took me this long to finish it. I had to acknowledge the difficulty and the emotional distress I'm having in order for me to go forward. 

My momentum crashed. I lost it. I questioned my decisions all the time. I was once very confident and happy about everything, I do and suddenly it all went blank. I feel like I'm at a dead-end. The end of the road. I couldn't do it. I don't want to do it. I was afraid. What if I failed? 

I was alone. Many things happened that put me on the edge. The "what if" conquers me. That joy and excitement I had before were nowhere to be seen. I'm drowning. Gasping for air. I don't know what to do.

Just do it!

I almost give up. I already did but I give myself a second chance. Slowly but surely. That's what I told myself. I do self-talk. Talking some sense into myself. I start. It begins, again. Picked up my pace. I start with one word, then it forms a sentence and finally, a paragraph appears. It goes on and on until I realized that it's almost done. I did it. 

At times I would print out my dissertation draft to read and re-read especially when I'm outside running an errand or on the go. Staring at the laptop for a long period of time hurts my eyes, my back, and even my brain. I never really said this but I love writing on a piece of paper rather than on the laptop or computer. The sound of the paper and ballpoint pen calms me. 

You do you

I was too fixated on what other people might say. I was scared that people might find my work was invaluable. I was lost while being so scared of the uncertainty. I know I shouldn't. But in the end, I found myself again. It's a journey of discovering myself. 

Our journey is different. Some may have it easier and finish it on time but some may have to take a longer road. A longer process. But, whatever it is, trust the process and trust yourself. 

Things don't always go according to plan but it'll still go accordingly. 

Other people might have it worst but whatever it is that you're going through, I hope you'll keep on being strong. You're not alone and there are many people who are willing to support you and want you to succeed. 

I still have so much to share. Maybe I'll share it in my next post. Thank you so much for stopping by.